Why I Stopped Having Sex

As I continue to grow in my relationship with God, a lot of things that I used to do just don’t cut it anymore and having sex before marriage is one of them. Many people are probably wondering “well, aren’t you in a relationship?” Yes… but we aren’t married. “Well, weren’t y’all already having sex?” Yes. However, one thing I’ve learned is that just because I was doing something before, doesn’t mean I should continue to do it if I know it’s not correct. Okay, before I jump into all that, let me back it up alittle bit.

One thing I believe God placed in my heart a looooong time ago was not getting pregnant before marriage. I absolutely love my family, but one thing I became very observant of is how there was a pattern of having children out of wedlock. It’s actually pretty normal today and we see it happening quite often in society. Many actually prefer to have children without being married so it’s not like a foreign thing... but I just wanted my child to have something different. At a point when I was younger, I didn’t even desire marriage, but one day it just changed for me. The change was similar to my decision to wait for children after marriage, it just happened. I’d like to think God naturally shifted things for me because it was necessary for me moving forward.

To be clear… this is not a tactic to make my boyfriend hurry up and marry me. It’s not a 90 day rule type of thing that people who are dating do. This is a decision I made because I knew I was in error. Now before, did I know we shouldn't have been having sex before marriage? I did, but to be real, it didn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t understand the value of being obedient to God and following what His word said. Quite frankly, I lacked a lot of honor for Him. I’d pray, go to church, and read a little something every now and then, but it’s clear I wasn’t committed to God or His word. I didn’t have a true relationship with Him. That‘s why having sex before marriage was normal to me and I didn’t feel bad about doing it.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NIV It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;

My decision to stop having sex didn’t happen with the blink of an eye. Because I was saved and loved God, it didn’t really matter what I did, as long as I wasn’t a bad person right? I wasn‘t killing, stealing, and acting crazy so everything else I was doing was cool. No, I actually was ignorant and out of order 😭 As Christians, we should be carrying ourselves according to His word, yet we’re dismissive because we don’t think it really matters because we can seek forgiveness for our sins. I’d be remiss if I said that is true. True repentance means to turn away from sin. The truth is, there is an expectation that God has of us as followers of Christ and if I’m being real, it’s not always fun. In the beginning, it can be very uncomfortable because it’s not what we’re used to, but God has such a gentle way of chipping things away that no longer belong. As I grew closer to Him, I wasn’t sad about following His word or seen it as a punishment. I actually began to be disgusted with my own behavior and felt convicted about what I was doing. When things I was doing were no longer fun or enjoyable, that’s when I began to exercise discipline and turn away from things.

Do you know why we get tripped up in life even when we’re doing what makes our flesh happy or recklessly living our best lives? It’s because just because we lack knowledge, doesn't mean the enemy does. Satan knows that what looks like a good time to us, is actually an open door for him. It’s not “just sex.” Can I still have sex and be saved? Possibly, but something about the risk of being exposed for disaster just don’t sit right with me. As I began to learn what God had to say about things and how clever the enemy thinks he is, I started closing those spiritual doors one by one. Unforgiveness? Gotta go! Idolatry? Gotta go! Sex before marriage? Gotta go! I just can’t risk being bound because I lack wisdom and self control.

Y’all, the enemy is sooo mad about this. I’ve had multiple dreams of having sex and oral sex since I chose to stop. In the dream, I’m tempted with “it’s just one time” or “oral sex isn’t really sex.” It’s actually very childish, but thankfully I know he’s trying to get me to come back into agreement with him by tempting me so I am able to spiritually detach myself when I wake up. You know the enemy is mad about something when he keeps trying to tempt you, but it‘s up to you to stand on what you’re gonna do. Btw, sex in our dreams is not of God. It doesn’t matter if they’re your spouse, significant other, a stranger, or you recognize who they are. That isn’t right and you should seek God on the matter. There is a such thing as sex spirits. I’m still learning about this, but I’ll drop more info once I know more.

Looking back, it almost feels like God prepared me for this decision. It started with the teenage pregnancies in my family. I know anything can happen, but by the grace of God, He covered me when I was having sex in high school, so I wasn’t a teenage mother. Okay, beat teen pregnancy, cool. Slowly, but surely I recognized the pattern of absent marriages in my family. Again, not being married and having children was my norm, but something about that didn’t float my boat. Progressively, I became more worrisome about having children before marriage. The thought of it gave me anxiety even though I’d be proud of who my baby daddy would be 😩 For years of having sex, I dealt with the thought of “omg what if I get pregnant bro,” so much that it actually made me want to have less and less sex. I didn’t really plan to tell y’all all my business, but here we are lol. In the midst of this, I began fasting, grew closer to God and was able to make the decision to completely stop... not because I was fearful, but because it was a dishonor to God. I could’ve easily kept having sex from time to time and just been careful... but when that spirit of conviction hits, it’s just not something you can keep ignoring.

It’s possible the spirit of fear stemmed from the open door of having sex, but what the enemy intends for evil, God turns around for our good. God knew I needed that fear to stay on track 😂 Now, you may be reading this and say “I could never stop having sex” or simply may not want to. I’m not here to convince or condemn you, but I do encourage you to seek God on the matter. He may expose some things connected to sex that you had no idea about. Ask Him for knowledge, wisdom, and understanding concerning the matter. It is possible you may also need to seek the spirit of conviction 🙈

Disclaimer: I am extremely thankful I have the partner I have throughout all of this and that does matter. If someone can’t respect your decision to honor God, that may be a clear indicator that they’re not for you. Keep it a matter of prayer. Before I let my boyfriend know what I was feeling in regards to this decision, I made sure I was sure and I prayed about it. If that person is for you, God can prepare their heart ahead of the decision being made ❤️

1 Corinthians 7:2-6 NIV But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.

The Bible doesn’t say stop having sex forever, it’s just clear about having it before we are married. Ima have sex….. just not right now 🙃