Entry one: Guard Your Heart

Babygirl, Babygirl.. there is so much that has taken place that was set to literally destroy you and shatter your heart. Right now, you don’t recognize it, but there’s a lot of hurt and disappointment that has been suppressed. One thing I absolutely love about you is that you might stumble, even slip, but you don’t fall and stay there. The only issue is that, over the years, you haven’t really forgiven and released people. The situations you keep rehearsing are proof that you haven’t let that hurt go.

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of things have happened that you actually have VERY VALID reasons to be angry and stay angry for. You have given, poured out, and loved on so many people. You give without the expectation of receiving anything back, but you have stored up offenses in your heart against others simply by just letting things ride.

“It is what it is” is not your portion. I know just moving on from disappointment seems like it’s working, but you’re not healed. You’ve just learned to adjust. You’re numb to a lot, taking everything to the chin and never walking through anything. Little do you know, you have no idea that this is not how it’s supposed to be.

Every seed of betrayal, resentment, bitterness, hurt, anger, sorrow, and disappointment will eventually spring up. Little by little, these seeds are being watered. Once you fully surrender, God will begin to deal with each person and situation in your heart, one by one. Don’t worry, it won’t all take place at once. God is such a loving, kind Father (which you will come to know) that He will walk you through piece by piece, layer by layer. You’re going to be reminded about the frustration and feel like it’s all resurfacing, but trust the process. The Holy Spirit is going to help you forgive, like frfr. This won’t be a check box item where once you check it off a list, you’re good… but you will face your pain, acknowledge it, and release it wholeheartedly.

I'm actually so excited for you to finally experience true freedom. Not only will you know what it’s like to live in true peace, but God is going to give you HIS heart of compassion for people. I know you like to people please right now and don’t realize it, but that’s going to end soon too. You have a servant’s heart, and God needs to purify it.

God is the ultimate healer and will turn everything the enemy intended for bad, around for your good once you really come to Him. You were not created to carry yourself through this life. There is a sweeter version of life, and it is with Jesus. Only He can help you heal from your past and teach you how to guard your heart without hardening it. Girl, can you believe there will actually come a time when your tears are restored?! Not gonna lie, you are a tough cookie 😩

Oh & btw, there are going to be some tough times after you give God your “yes." Your heart is going to hurt, but it won’t stay that way. You’ll know what to do when those times come because you’ll have a new foundation that will carry you. There will never be a time in this life when you’re “finished forgiving.” Forgive, release, and guard your heart no matter what ♥️

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If you’re reading this letter and it resonates with where you are right now, I encourage you to keep reading. Within the first year of surrendering my life to Christ, He took me through some tough seasons of forgiveness. It required me to face a lot of pain and hurt from my childhood up until where I was as an adult. What did this look like? Bringing to my remembrance things that were said and done to me that hurt. Btw, these were things I thought I had already moved on from. God didn’t remind me to torture me; He reminded me so I could acknowledge the pain and choose to forgive. It’s easy to say “I already forgave that person," but if you can’t talk about those same people and situations without feeling a heavy weight, twisted stomach, irritation, or anxiety, then chances are you haven’t truly forgiven them.

Something I learned is that forgiveness is a choice, not for the other person, but more so for ourselves. Are some people and situations sent to intentionally destroy us? Absolutely. Does that mean we get an unforgiveness pass? Absolutely not. Another thing I learned is that true forgiveness through Christ will make it feel like it never happened. You will be able to testify from a place of freedom without the baggage of pain attached to it.

Immediately following the choice to forgive came the intercession for those same people. God had taken my hardened heart and replaced it with a heart of flesh. I had no idea how much pain had built up over the years, and although I was still genuinely giving, smiling, accomplishing things, showing up for others, and living my life, I was dragging around false burdens and the weight of unforgiveness. God led me to not only forgive others, but also release myself from the guilt, regret, shame, and more attached to many situations.

After learning the power of forgiveness, I began to forgive quickly, but it didn’t stop life from still rolling. In fact, I dealt with more challenging situations along the way. The difference was that this time, my foundation was SOLID. Your foundation and who you’re putting your trust in really does matter. Man can fail you. This includes you and those around you…. but God is not a man that He should lie. In 2024, the Holy Spirit started teaching me how to guard my heart through Proverbs 4:23. I encourage you to allow Him to do the same for you. True freedom really does exist.

📖 Ezekiel 36:26 NKJV

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

📖 Psalm 51:10-13 NKJV

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners shall be converted to You.

📖 Proverbs 4:23 MSG

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts.

Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.

Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions.

Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you.

Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust.

📖 Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

📖 Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

📖 Proverbs 13:12 MSG

Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around.